5 tips for when it’s hard to commit to therapy
It's really common for people to reach out to ask for counselling, and then not be able to do a first session. I've done it myself - usually at exactly the times when I felt most confused! Thinking back to these times when I know I needed something, but couldn't quite bring myself to talk to someone, these were some of my thoughts...
"I don't even think counselling will help" ---> wavering wildly and quickly between "I really really need to talk to someone" and "therapy is a waste of time and money"
"I feel so overwhelmed and numb with everything, how will I even say how I feel to a counsellor"
"It's too expensive; I can't afford this" ---> I then proceeded to spend even more money on whatever distraction [going out / travel / time off] I used at the time!
"I'm probably fine and making a mountain out of a molehill - this will all blow over next week".
Here are some ideas for moving through this way of feeling that have been helpful to me:
Journalling. Writing your thoughts down quickly is a way of being your own counsellor. Don't judge what you write or expect to ever read it again, it's just a way to get your feelings out of your head. You may be surprised at how much lighter you can feel just doing this.
Self-compassion. As I've hinted at above, it is common for us counsellors to not receive a follow up after a potential new client's first contact, so take comfort that you're not alone! We all struggle with this commitment, especially when we're feeling shaky. There's nothing wrong with you for doing this. It's almost like you need to feel a bit better to successfully ask for help!
Just wait longer. If you do actually feel like this might blow over, you could put a reminder in your calendar to check in on yourself in a fortnight or a month and if you're still feeling stuck, reach out to a therapist again. Don't worry if you've ghosted them, we really don't mind!
Reframing the cost. I sometimes think that a session rate of £50 sounds like a huge amount, but when I reframe the spend as 6 sessions for £300 it seems better value (just me?). That investment could well untangle something that's been impacting you your whole life and pave the way for a changed way of being - bargain!
Reduce the pressure. How about seeing your first session with a counsellor as an experiment with no obligation to commit to numerous sessions if change your mind or don't like that therapist.
So, please don't feel bad if you've sent your emails but now can't bring yourself to go to a session. We've all been there; therapists expect it; and we know it's hard; we’re here for you when you’re ready.
If it does feel like the right time for you to talk to someone to get an independent and non-judgmental perspective, then please get in touch.
